The roller coaster and the hand basket

 Sometimes you just know something is a bad idea and you do it anyway. Other times you do not know what to expect. Lastly, just because you feel or even know it isn't a good idea, can you really say you know it will go south?  Just because it does go south, what is to say it won't turn around and become a blessing? I don't. For now, we will plan to try and recover what strength we can and move forward with what we do know. We have found homes that will work and some that seem perfect. Truthfully, I am tired, and I want to have peace about what I do.

This past week I felt I had lost a friend because there had been no contact. I did not realize the lack of contact was a connectivity issue. It made me realize two things. The first was that if my friend had passed on out of this life, I would dearly miss that friend and also how much I enjoy our virtual visits comparing notes on life, spouses, grandkids and generally catching up. The second thing is the dependence that we have on technology. It has taken over my life and not always in a good way.

 I have avoided blogging for some time now. My days had become overwhelmed with texting, appointments, therapy and trying to get stuff done so we can move or live here with enough usable space for everyone. I also thought that I was spending too much time in front of the screen. It did not stop me; the screen was just smaller and more annoying. Annoying because I couldn't see more than one page/line at a time.

Being a full-time caregiver has been hard. I admit to making my life harder by adding an extra a bit too soon. Thankfully one of the two is getting a bit better. No one is able to help with the heavy tasks, either one of them. Again, I count my blessings with my kids that come to help when they can. As I ponder which house to move us all to, I include the one we are in. Size being the only factor, it can work. Location added in and then it changes. For shopping and groceries, it is fine. For schools and activities, it is not so good. Most of the other benefits of being here are medical. We know where things are and how to access them. Moving would mean finding all those items again, losing certain shopping benefits and neighbors that are willing to help in exchange for help themselves.

One home that we found seems to have everything we need and is close to shopping and medical facilities. Another is in the same area but doesn't have the bed/bath ratio but does have the room to add that on. The negative is that the someone who thinks they can, is not the little engine that could anymore. We can plan a trip to see both houses in person and perhaps that will help with the decision. That means finding care for one of our group and pulling kids out of school or finding someone who can keep them while we look. But most of all the bad weather in that state needs to calm down.

I will close now and continue to ride in this handbasket on the roller coaster that is my life.