Overwhelmed... liars, victims, INS and who do I believe...
This has been an exceptionally weird week. It started off okay, not too bad I did have to write up a co-worker but that didn't go too bad. Then there were so many employees that needed the same day off that it seemed I may not be able to get it covered without over time. That of course, is frowned upon. Everyone had very good reasons to need the time off. Car conflicts, jail time, family issues like "hey we have a green card appointment!".
The last event caused the most stress out of everything only because of the discoveries made by the person involved. Not one of us expected the revelations that came of that encounter. Honestly after this week I am ready to throw in the towel and find a new way to make money! It would seem that someone may have been lied to and someone did a significant amount of lying to the other person and to the INS agents. In the end my friend was able to reflect on everything that had happened to her in the last 16 months and finally have clarity and peace about all that had gone on.
We babysit for this friend and really it is a joy that she has a little blessing from all of it. Bittersweet would be the best description as the other party only seemed to need an "anchor" baby. These little people come in handy for the adults that need a "reason" to be allowed to stay in the United States. To me it seems like he may have been worried that he would be discovered for his real intentions so creating this diversion was a great cover.
But knowing circumstances surrounding her birth, I am not sure he planned it as much as preyed upon the "accidental" conception. I think this because his lack of involvement with the baby both before her birth and since has made absolutely no sense!
It is unknown at this point if he will be deported or not or if he will get a green card. (yes it seems he could still get one) What is known is that the "ex-wife" he claimed went crazy and he had no involvement with, the one who knew nothing of their own child because his mother was raising it, is happy and well and has custody of the child and has applied for visas for her and her daughter to come and join him!
I am so saddened by this revelation. I had been her maid of honor at their wedding and I did have small tiny doubts but they vanished after hearing his heartfelt vows. Seeing how he looked at her as if looking at the love of his life. All to be lies... my heart aches for her, for her tiny daughter who has no fault in this at all. Sure there are those who will say she should have known better, but they too have made mistakes. Believed when they shouldn't have, took a leap of faith only to fall crashing to the earth. The safety net of friends and family will surround her and guard her for the next few months while she struggles with the future.
Crazy as this seems I only wish the INS would ask us, her circle of friends, what we saw. Watching my friend struggle with an unresponsive spouse who didn't work for the first six months of their marriage. Who belittled her, criticized her every choice, and seemed to expect her to become "suzie homemaker of Nigeria" after the wedding. A man who when he finally got a job sent almost every penny back to "his family for his daughter". No worries about the daughter and wife right here under his nose.
In fact I remember the morning she was born. My phone rang early my friend asked if I was in town, near the hospital. I said no, had she called her husband? She replied yes he is not answering. Not realizing the urgency of the matter I told her to call me back if he wasn't going to show up I would be there. I never received a call back. Later I learned he was right there working at the hospital that she was having an emergency C-section at and he would not even come to see if she or his daughter were alright!
The reason was not that he wasn't aware. He knew full well that she had been admitted two days before to be induced and wasn't even present for that. And for pete's sake he worked there! How blind we all were to the whole situation.
We applauded her for finally asking him to leave, seeing the stress fade from her face when she only had her and her daughter and her mother to worry about, was therapy for all of us. Now I think often about what he may try to do. Will he try to hurt her or try to take the baby that he has no relationship with? Is there anything we can do for her? I wish I had the answers....
The last event caused the most stress out of everything only because of the discoveries made by the person involved. Not one of us expected the revelations that came of that encounter. Honestly after this week I am ready to throw in the towel and find a new way to make money! It would seem that someone may have been lied to and someone did a significant amount of lying to the other person and to the INS agents. In the end my friend was able to reflect on everything that had happened to her in the last 16 months and finally have clarity and peace about all that had gone on.
We babysit for this friend and really it is a joy that she has a little blessing from all of it. Bittersweet would be the best description as the other party only seemed to need an "anchor" baby. These little people come in handy for the adults that need a "reason" to be allowed to stay in the United States. To me it seems like he may have been worried that he would be discovered for his real intentions so creating this diversion was a great cover.
But knowing circumstances surrounding her birth, I am not sure he planned it as much as preyed upon the "accidental" conception. I think this because his lack of involvement with the baby both before her birth and since has made absolutely no sense!
It is unknown at this point if he will be deported or not or if he will get a green card. (yes it seems he could still get one) What is known is that the "ex-wife" he claimed went crazy and he had no involvement with, the one who knew nothing of their own child because his mother was raising it, is happy and well and has custody of the child and has applied for visas for her and her daughter to come and join him!
I am so saddened by this revelation. I had been her maid of honor at their wedding and I did have small tiny doubts but they vanished after hearing his heartfelt vows. Seeing how he looked at her as if looking at the love of his life. All to be lies... my heart aches for her, for her tiny daughter who has no fault in this at all. Sure there are those who will say she should have known better, but they too have made mistakes. Believed when they shouldn't have, took a leap of faith only to fall crashing to the earth. The safety net of friends and family will surround her and guard her for the next few months while she struggles with the future.
Crazy as this seems I only wish the INS would ask us, her circle of friends, what we saw. Watching my friend struggle with an unresponsive spouse who didn't work for the first six months of their marriage. Who belittled her, criticized her every choice, and seemed to expect her to become "suzie homemaker of Nigeria" after the wedding. A man who when he finally got a job sent almost every penny back to "his family for his daughter". No worries about the daughter and wife right here under his nose.
In fact I remember the morning she was born. My phone rang early my friend asked if I was in town, near the hospital. I said no, had she called her husband? She replied yes he is not answering. Not realizing the urgency of the matter I told her to call me back if he wasn't going to show up I would be there. I never received a call back. Later I learned he was right there working at the hospital that she was having an emergency C-section at and he would not even come to see if she or his daughter were alright!
The reason was not that he wasn't aware. He knew full well that she had been admitted two days before to be induced and wasn't even present for that. And for pete's sake he worked there! How blind we all were to the whole situation.
We applauded her for finally asking him to leave, seeing the stress fade from her face when she only had her and her daughter and her mother to worry about, was therapy for all of us. Now I think often about what he may try to do. Will he try to hurt her or try to take the baby that he has no relationship with? Is there anything we can do for her? I wish I had the answers....
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