Oh never mind there isn't time to sit around!

 

After an extremely busy day Friday I vowed Saturday to be a stay at home and watch a movie day. Or maybe take a nap day. Neither thing happened for me. But I did limit leaving the house for a day. I should correct that and share that I did leave to go to the general store for a green pepper. However #10 ran to tell Auntie April that we were going to Dollar General... So we did go there because Auntie April did need to go to get a few things.

On our way home we did stop at the general store and get some peppers. As I prepared the ingredients for "stuffed bell pepper soup" and put them in the instant pot I readied my list for the morning. My thoughts were interrupted by the tone of a text message coming through. It was #8 she is having trouble with reality again. Her perception of the world is that everyone is out to get her. She has never really gotten past her mom just leaving them when she went to prison the last time.

She bounces between two states Missouri and here trying to get by in a fantasy world. Unfortunately the fantasy isn't ever very pretty. Sometimes she has a rare disease and other times she is pregnant or miscarrying her latest "love child", at all times she is fantasizing. She has many male "friends" that are either a "husband" or "just like a brother to her". We are never privy to the truth. Generally a text or call is a desperate plea for attention and she is almost always in "danger" when she reaches out.

Attempts to focus her are met with "reasons" that she cannot comply. She may continue to reach out until she is given money, or a ticket on a bus to whichever state she is running to, or she may go silent. When that happens I worry but mostly I pray for guidance. She is a sweet girl that turns on a dime and refuses medicine or counseling. In short she is her mother at that age. The happy go lucky social butterfly that came to our home at age 11 is now tormented by the same demons that drove her mother for so long.

Her mom is on the right path now medically and really doesn't express a whole lot of compassion outwardly for this child who is now a young woman with a child of her own. She cannot understand why her daughter did not learn from her mistakes. I say she did learn quite a bit, she at least has stayed out of prison! However, prison is the only reason her mom became stable on medication. Bipolar illness is cruel.  

This kid was determined to be a better mom than her own was. Perhaps she succeeded. Her son who is 9 years old now lives with his father and has since he was 18 months old. He doesn't know the torture she endures in her life. Her mind works against her when she needs it to behave the most. He wasn't bounced from place to place nor did he face the danger of being left alone beside a building in a state with no relatives. He wasn't dropped off by strangers to another stranger's home. (Although his dad did ask if I would take him for a summer)

Where do I point her to at this time? How do I get through to her that she needs help? What words can I say that will make her world right? It hurts her to feel so alone and it kills me that she feels that way. I want to take her back to 12 years old and fix the hurt, but I can't. So many times I wanted to shake her mother so hard and ask her why are you doing this to these girls?!

So goes the circle of life for some families. Ours is entangled in theirs and forever made better for it. Yet it still hurts.