Placement
Sometime before 0115 SIL made it out the sliding glass door. The door has never functioned correctly as far as shutting tight enough to lock and it wouldn't matter anyway, she can open almost any lock in her current state of mind. Yesterday while I babysat the youngest grandchild, she was very "antsy", I felt like something was brewing. There were moments of clarity for her, but not lucidity. This happens every time we go out of the house.
The night progressed much as any other night, sundowners, minimal food eaten at dinner, panic over the pills being taken wrong, the usual things that happen each night. I put the dogs into the kennels and SIL into bed and went to get ready for bed myself. Once ready for bed I looked at DH and said I feel abandoned when you are here and yet you are not. He didn't understand. I didn't explain. After saying goodnight, I mentioned that I had a feeling that I would be awoken in a couple of hours. He said Well, you better get some sleep while you can. I closed his door and headed to my bed. Abandonment.
Sleep came pretty quickly and so did the wake-up call. I ignored it at first. She would go back to bed maybe, or just wander a bit. There are times when she just goes to the bathroom and then putters around in her room. This could be one of those. I didn't even look at the clock. As I tried to rest a bit longer, I felt it seemed quiet, too quiet. Then it wasn't anymore.
The dogs started barking, I figured SIL was on the move. Then I heard her go to into the bathroom and then they quieted for a few minutes. She came out and they started again only this time they were getting frantic, like when they see a cat outside. She then started calling out DH's name. With each call of his name, she was sounding further away. I panicked thinking to myself, did I lock the laundry room? Her voice sounded like it was further away than just the oldest child's room.
Now she was really yelling out his name and the dogs were even more insistent with their barking. As I opened the bedroom door the cold air hit me. I hurried to see where she was. I could see her out in the driveway to the west of the house still yelling for DH. Not being as brave she, I ran to the master closet to get my shoes. DH snoring soundly through it all.
Outside the clear night sky gave plenty of light for her to see her way down the back steps and out the gate of the dog pen. As she stood in the cold snowy driveway, I approached her she said to me See the neighbor's house is on fire! I explained that I didn't see the fire, but I encouraged her to come closer to the house, maybe get up on the back steps then maybe I could see what she was seeing. At first, she resisted, but with me gently holding her arm I pulled slightly as I walked back toward the house. While walking I joined her journey and stated oh maybe if I get up on the steps I could see better. Eventually, it worked, and she came back into the house.
The fire happens almost every night to our house. Tonight, I had no idea it would be the neighbor's house. Let me clarify, the neighbor's house in Pueblo near the chemical depot. The bright sky to the south of our house is the skyline for Pueblo with the depot being pretty close to the area she pointed out. She did not accept my theory. Probably best, as then she would want explanations of things that are common public knowledge related to the depot.
Once inside, I let the dogs out of their kennels and out the door to their pen. She just kept reiterating the fire and the explosion and how we needed to get somewhere safe. The children and the dogs and DH are always top concerns. She speaks often of a little girl that she cannot name but is very familiar to her. She never had any children of her own, but the desire was always there. She and her husband had attempted IVF without success. Perhaps there was some success, and it is her child she sees.
I am often asked by her in-laws and friends how long she might live. I have no idea. If she had been left with the hospital's plan of being committed to the state hospital, probably not long. If she is not placed where she has 24-hour supervision, probably less time than if she is.
In my last post I mentioned my struggle with placing her and I shared some of the places that I checked out. Tonight, or better this early morning, I know that if I am to have any resemblance of a normal life for the girls, placement is the only option. The youngest little is most affected by SIL. Today when I asked DH to watch his sister so I could get the grandchild down for a nap, it was the 9-year-old that averted disaster and kept SIL from leaving the house.
She came to me twice and I referred her to DH, she never mentioned that he was asleep. I did not realize it at the time, and I scolded her for not letting me get the baby to nap. I should have realized it as every time he sits in his recliner he nods off. Not just a light sleep either, he is out cold. Even if I request him to sit on the couch so SIL can see him, he falls sound asleep. What is the saying? "If it is to be, it is up to me." That is how the young one felt.
This morning, during all of the commotion, the young one awoke. I talked to her about the scolding I had given her earlier and I apologized. Also, up to this time I had not shared with the kids that we were even considering placement for a respite stay or otherwise. I did not want to get their hopes up or down as the case may be. She whispered it is just so hard with Aunt Kim here. I assured her, and I guess myself, that she would be going to stay at a safe place. The kid has overheard too much or been the child of a nurse for too long. LOL she then explained to me how a nursing home works and how they would take good care of her. I guess I know where I will spend my golden years! ;)
After the event, a warm robe over underthings
Close as I can get picture of footprints in the snow
A girl and her dog at rest
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