Saying Goodbye

  Good morning blog... I had a post ready yesterday. Ready in my mind mostly but some of it was on paper. Then a phone call interrupted my thoughts and my shopping. It was from a number I recognized. As I answered I knew it could be any number of people at that number. Really in my heart I knew who it was. I also knew why she was calling. My heart sank a bit as she began to speak.

Her twin sister had finally died. Just last night it happened she said. She went on to tell me how she was not allowed to see her before it happened. They both live in the facility that I used to love working at.

The twin had started down the dementia road before moving to our facility. She was far enough down it that she probably could have gone straight to long term care. However, when I went to assess her, I found that she could still do most of her ADL's and she walked and talked sensibly. By golly that was more than some of our current residents could do!

The dementia was apparent but not overwhelming. She was a bit feisty, that stole my heart immediately, that and her smile. It was genuine. No faking that! I tried different approaches to get her to agree to coming to live with us. My worst approach, I am sure in her eyes, was to remind her that her twin sister lived there and all the visiting they could catch up on!

Heck I was excited that she would have an instant companion! Her son sat stoically across the room from me. He did not even flinch when his mother gave a little "humph" and stated she would not live by her sister, this apartment was her home and Mary thinks she so much older just because she was born first! By a few minutes is all, she said. I realized then I had opened a can of worms that could potentially be bad... thank heaven for a little dementia! 

We changed the subject and talked about her not having to cook or clean or go too far for company with others her age. As she defended her eating habits and shared that she had a freezer full of dinners for the microwave and cereal for breakfast, her son shared that he counts the meals and she had not been eating very many of them if any.

I asked her what she had for breakfast, she could not tell me. In all fairness I cannot always remember either but for other reasons. We talked about medication and the benefit of having help. She did not need it she said. Again, her son contradicted her with a nod of the head and his eyes.

There was not much else I needed to do for an assessment other than look her skin over and she was not going to allow that. I stood up and stated I hoped she would change her mind and I would gladly have her move in when she did. She assured me that was not going to happen. Her son assured me it was, and soon like in a few days. So, I sat back down and had the fun duty of informing her that she was moving and that her doctor had said so and her son had already picked a lovely apartment for her.

She then was a bit more adamant that she thought her doctor should be involved and she needed to talk to him. The battle was over, she had lost but our facility had gained an angel. Her children prepared the new apartment. Her daughter made it look like a Better Homes and Gardens layout. The staff were all so impressed and I think we all wanted to live in it!  The twin? She beamed with pride as everyone gushed over her "new" place.

When her son asked how this might play out, I let him know that sometimes when they are not happy about the move they get depressed, some try to go back to where they came from, some resign themselves and well, it goes fast and others, well others forget where they came from and meld in beautifully and it is like they never lived anywhere else! 

The twin was the latter! We were all thankful and she, she was a beautiful soul inside and out! Our facility gained a lady who would go every morning and sit in "her" chair in the lobby. She would smile so pleasantly as visitors arrived, oh and if a puppy or dog or child happened to come in... all the better! Her face would light up the darkest night! Her family was the key ingredient in making the transition a success, without them who knows!

When staff was feeling down or overwhelmed, they would gravitate to her and within minutes feel refreshed. Just a few minutes of time with her and hearing how she felt blessed by being here, by her children, her Lord you left her room knowing she had a purpose.

Time went on. Things change, dementia sucks, it takes our loved ones away before they are gone. Her children were devoted, they did not let her changes stop them from coming to see her. Covid-19 deterred everyone eventually, but for that, they would be there. 

Even those who did not know her personally, knew her as the sweet little lady that sat in the lobby. Yes, they are all sweet in their own ways, okay there were some who were not sweet no matter what you did! But she, she was truly sweet! 

Her dementia at the end did not allow her to know others but those of us who knew her, knew her true personality. We can rejoice that she is with all the other wonderful people who left us crying and empty. They are all rejoicing in the presence and glory of God! 

Finally, she is home. She has all her memories back; she is whole again and she is home.