Grace...

 Some days I have had it up to my ears and then some. Those days it is hard to find a few minutes of peace and quiet. I have a dear friend that regularly takes the grandchildren for the weekend. On those adventures I usually receive a text message stating the "Peace and Quiet have packed their bags and are leaving for the weekend". It makes me chuckle, until I realize that peace and quiet left here years ago and rarely drop in, even to just say "hi".

I am sure I am not the only person who feels that way, but there are days it feels that way. Parenting a special needs kiddo can wear. you. out. There is no other way to put it that makes it any better. Yesterday it was to the breaking point. Nothing I did was done correctly, just ask #10. I decided for my own sanity and perhaps her safety (no judging) I should take a drive... a long drive.

During that ride of course I felt guilty. Why? Not sure I think it is a mom thing. Feelings of inadequacy, lack of patience, lack of time you know the whole "mom guilt" scenario ran through my mind as I drove. At least this time the kiddos were not screaming and begging me not to go when I left.

That may have been because I told DH and the oldest I was going to buy some upholstery thread. The one that was furious with me was pouting in her room, she wouldn't know that I left. It was a ruse. I would have picked some up but I really didn't plan to. I needed a break without being judged. 

I did do some productive things while I was out. I took leftovers to my son and some things he could use that I didn't need. He invited me to come in. We visited and I came clean. I let him know why I took the drive. He chuckled and said he understood. No judgement was passed. It felt good, confession, I let him know I had intended to share those things with him but the drive was mainly to clear my mind mainly. Again, no judgement. 

After our little visit I headed off to drop the recycles off to the recycle bin. It was a dreary day and it fit my mood! I texted a friend in Michigan and sent her a picture of the weather. If I were talented I could pull that picture from messenger and paste it in this blog. IF.

I am not and the dreariness did not last. This morning the moon was just rising and the sky had all the promise of a nice day!

The morning rush to get a first cup of coffee before any kids got up or my granddaughter arrived was not successful. However, as a very sweet friend reminded me, patience, patience would pay off. That started my morning today and all. day. long. patience would be tested!

The whole of this post is to remind myself and whoever else may need it, that patience will pay off. In the very common occurrence, that is life with "specials", grace MUST be given and accepted. And sometimes the receiver must also be the giver. Not always an easy position to be in!